Talking Heart-to-Heart – January 2010

Watching open-heart surgery is like no other experience. I learned this working with a client who pioneered open-heart procedures. There it is. The heart, the body’s power center. The bloody red source of ecstasy or hellish misery-so the poets say…. Its power stopped, not beating. It lies in a puddle of liquid, in an open chest, soft, limp, and still. Far from repulsion, I had this overwhelming feeling of wanting to cradle it, hold it. At my very core, all I could feel was: How precious the heart is!

Yet, as much as we’ve learned of heart anatomy, far more remains to be explored of the heart’s soul, what makes it and us tick.

On this cusp of Valentine’s, what I have to say is not so relevant to the festivities of Cupid’s blistering arrow as it is to raise consciousness about what makes your metaphorical heart tick.

It is to ask you: Who do you need to have a heart-to-heart talk with?

In our professional, as well as personal lives, we too often withhold what we genuinely need to say. We resent. We blame. We feel slighted. Worse than the feelings themselves, we have no skill set for releasing our emotional gridlocks. Then, they bleed over into every dimension of our lives, influencing our decision-making, clouding our clarity.

Yet, I’m here to assure you that there are many, many techniques that can in fact solve and re-solve our resentments, angers, and emotional challenges. One of the most effective I’ve ever learned is a process called Heart-To-Heart Talks.

To know if you would benefit from learning the techniques of Heart-To-Heart Talks, answer these few questions:
1. Do you avoid bringing up necessary subjects, for fear of hard feelings or confrontation?
2. Do you bite your tongue until you blow up?
3. Do you hold resentment or anger at anyone for anything?
4. Do you feel as though people are not listening to you?
5. Have you had something important to say and felt it came out all wrong?

As normal and human as it is to answer yes to these questions, do you understand thatany yes answer is actually an incredible opportunity to catapult past limitations and move forward? Wherever we hold anger or resentment is much like blockage in an artery.Remove the blockage and life force flows smoothly again.

My thoughts on this subject run deep. This brief newsletter represents only the tip of the iceberg, since six months ago, my mother died after open-heart surgery, her precious heart too damaged to sustain the challenge of repair. Yes, we often bickered as so often mothers and daughters do. And, yes, we loved each other dearly, as only mothers and daughters can.